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From Monogamy Stepping into a Polyamory Life

conscious love consciousness divine love divine masculine love poly polyamorous sacred sex sacred sex life sex spirituality tantra tantric sex twin flame twin flame healing twin flame love unconditional love

It’s true, this spiritual woman grew up in the world of monogamy and it wasn’t until I physically met my Divine Masculine that it ever occurred to me that anything else really existed outside of Monogamy except for what most categorize as cheating.

Before moving forward, I’d like to clarify that the definition of Polyamorous to me is being in a state of love with multiple people…it’s not swinging, cheating or an excuse to have orgies. If you’re into those things I encourage you to continue reading yet my perspective is coming directly from unconditional love and sharing it through physical vessels in a relationship.

So, how does one transition from decades of monogamy into being polyamorous?

Well, being open minded to new things is very important if nothing else! My trek down the Poly path just kind of happened and it would have gone nowhere fast if I had been closed minded and/or closed hearted.

After leaving a 31-year marriage and then being rejected continually by my Divine Masculine, I opened myself up to new opportunities after being blown off one last time in December of 2015. Within weeks of letting the Universe know I was ready to be open to alternate companionship, I met a lovely man online. 

He lived a few hours away and after spending hours talking, texting and vibing on each other, it was easy to graciously accept an invitation to get to know each other more intimately. I traveled to his home over a long weekend however the morning I was to come over he asked me, “Would you mind if my friend joined us? I think you’d like her.”…I believe I choked, coughed and took a deep breath and said, “Sure. Why not. I’ll see you soon.”

Fred wasn’t exactly my type in the least; however he had the most beautiful love energy I had experienced to date. He was happy, enthusiastic, open, called and texted me throughout the day and constantly reminded me what a Goddess I was. He was a big burly man, nearly 10 years my senior however the sexual vitality of an eighteen-year old boy with the brain of a Scientist. A trained Master in Tantric Sex…well, we hit it off immediately!

He was lovingly assertive, confident and took me by the hand to his art studio. Standing there, listening to his explanation of each painting he created while pulling my panties off and licking me in between his thoughts…well, what was not to like? It was fabulous, and we were in bed together within about 15 minutes of meeting each other in the flesh. There’s truly nothing sexier than a confident man, no matter what he looks like!

I thought, “8 thick, and highly trained, inches which was all mine to enjoy for the entire weekend,” put a constant grin on my face and glow in-between my thighs.

As a Tantric Master, Fred would hold his ejaculations. In fact, he would hold them for days sometimes and could create a new erection within minutes. Our first sex fest lasted for 5 hours straight and for a horny woman who had been rejected sexually by the love of her life…I took all I could get! 

After cooking and hand-feeding me like a Queen, a knock came on the door. Fred calmly said, “My friend has arrived, are you ready for round two?”

My doppelganger walked in the door. She apparently knew all about me as she was giddy, smiling and more than a bit excited as her body even shook a bit from the moment she lay eyes on my naked body sitting at the dining table. 

“Oh, you’re so much more beautiful than the photo Fred sent me!” I just grinned. “Sorry, my name is Pam. Can I hug you?” There was no way I could say no to those piercing blue eyes, so I obliged her hug request.

As she stood there, Fred got up and took my hand as we silently went back to the large 4 poster bed and he laid me down gently and began eating me alive…his favorite thing in the world to do! Not even thinking about Pam in the other room, I got lost in the love, the beauty, the attention he shone me until she walked into the bedroom naked...

I looked over and those blue eyes were staring at me as she climbed on the bed and shimmied up next to me; never taking her eyes off mine.

I recall thinking, “Wow, she’s beautiful. Look at her gorgeous white skin, she’s so soft and has a yummy tummy. Big boobs and such love radiating off her in my direction.” As her tongue slipped into my mouth I knew, “She’s me”!

I fell in love with me that day!

It was literally like making love to myself. I appreciated everything about her body, her taste, smell and how she felt near me. Seeing my crystal-clear reflection in her put an entirely new perspective on why anyone would be physically attracted to me or how amazing I am.

They transmuted my wounds! He healed my sexual abuse wounds and she healed my body image issues. 

What a blessing from heaven above to be healed.

The Threesome

“I can’t stop touching you. You are just radiating love in every way, Marie” they both kept exclaiming as the hours and days passed by. Her hands gently gliding over me and holding me while he slid his cock back in for yet more love making…then we napped and then loved again.

Being in a state of bliss doesn’t even quite cover how I was feeling with these two. Endless cock which I crave and such sweetness from her was the perfect combo. 

Her watching us with adoration from the bed as he washed my hair in the bathtub is an imagine I’ll never forget.

I guess the question anyone reading this wants to know is about the girl on girl action, huh? And did I know I was bisexual?

Yeah, well…Pam and I fell in love with each other and for someone that had never been attracted to another woman in her life…ummm…apparently, I’m the best she ever had at giving her orgasms!

I was a natural at pleasing her in ways a cock can’t. Begging for my tongue between her thighs became a daily occurrence. Truth be told, as a woman with a lot of masculine energy I just popped into that energy and I took on the man role quite easily. Evenings in the hot tub under the stars have a new meaning for sure. Sucking her nipples and fingering her until she couldn’t stop squealing in pleasure was my goal — and I’m very goal oriented if you know what I mean. I have a deep desire to please my lovers, whomever they are.

The three of us in a king-sized bed and taking turns in the jacuzzi bath tub are all great memories. Anal and sucking, massages and tickling and champagne. Photos and videotaping were such fun! Bliss for this sexual being - Pure bliss.

There were no old worries about my body or experimenting. When you’re with people that love you unconditionally, you feel it and literally blossom open right in front of them. They made me both feel like I was the sexiest and most beautiful woman in the whole world. They could do anything they pleased as far as I was concerned!

Bisexual…well, I don’t even know about that. In this current moment I would say that I’m still not particularly attracted to other women, though there has been one or two here that I would have played with if circumstances were right. 

I discovered that love is love…it isn’t defined by a marriage certificate or whether it’s a male or female. Do I proclaim myself as a bisexual? Not really! Yet I don’t deny that I’ve been in love with a woman either. You can label me whatever you choose. I’m just happy.

polyamory relationships

The Relationship(s)

The Poly Sex as a Unicorn was amazing, fun and adventurous and the fact that you have three or more individuals that all love each other is astounding from a spiritual perspective. One love, baby!

Fred had a girlfriend he lived with plus his other sex friends. Pam had her other friends. In total there were about 8 or 9 of us. All in love…all in various relationships with each other. They would text me while with their other partners and there was never any jealousy at all from my side. It was a cool triangle plus! 

Poly is about being in love, being open and making sure that everyone knows about everyone else. This isn’t dropping the fact you’re going to go fuck someone else while you’re married to someone who is in a monogamous state of mind. That’s just being mean and selfish in my opinion. Poly connections are loving sexual relationships, not casual fucking… for fuck sake.

Fred and I ended up spending a lot of time together at the beach in Malibu, swimming naked in his backyard pool, listening to music, enjoying his garden, watching birds and eating good homecooked meals. Pam and I went shopping, to Hollywood, to church, eating at upscale restaurants and laughing. The three of us would connect for dinner together regularly too.

I ended up being instrumental in bringing them out into the open when the three of us vacationed together and played in the pool together without giving a damn about what anyone else may think. Fred was one happy man being adored by two women in public. 

Love and happiness make us all a little braver, I discovered!


The problem with being me…is that people fall hard. While the three of us loved each other individually, and collectively, the jealousy began rearing its ugly head. Fred and Pam had been together for many years and both fell head over heels in love with me and then started fighting…. over me. Each wanted more time with me or began noting that there was less and less threesome time or individual time with Fred and Pam.

Jealousy is not what I expected from practicing Poly people…and didn’t sign up for it!

I can’t deny that I loved all the attention. The handwritten love letters on my car window, the invitations to dinner or romantic weekends. The text messages and photos made my life beautiful! The proclamations, “I’ve fallen into personal love with you,” scared me a bit though. In combination with all the sex and adoration it became overwhelming when they began fighting in front of me…and about me.

I abhor fighting.

I just wanted us to all love each other and let things be. I wasn’t interested in changing my entire life for Fred. I wasn’t going to marry him or move in with her, even though those were the conversations they both began sending my way. I left soon thereafter for numerous personal reasons including:

As a twin flame who had found her divine masculine, I knew I could never love them the way they felt about me. (if you’re an awake twin you’ll understand what I mean). As an empath, I can feel other’s feelings about me and I didn’t feel the same.

I felt like I learned what I was supposed to learn. Polyamorous is beautiful, special, valuable and I “got it” within my thick head that monogamy is far from the only way to love.

I wasn’t ready for a relationship. After being married then finding my divine masculine…it was too much for me, and too soon. It wasn’t fair of me to stick around if it wasn’t going anywhere; and they both deeply wanted it to go somewhere.

In retrospect, I loved them both deeply however wasn’t looking for a committed relationship. It was easy since I lived two hours away from them yet I guess a part of me thought that Poly was more sex based than love based. And I was looking for unconditional love where I could come and go as I pleased which isn’t very “relationship” like, now is it? Nope! They were happy to let me do my thing however when it came down to it, it’s just like any other relationship. You must nurture it and define it and work at it. I ran and it hurt him deeply. She lovingly understood, and I still miss her to this very day.

My Poly experience is mine, yet I suspect it may help someone else that is curious…so here ya go! I can absolutely see the beauty in both monogamy and poly lifestyles and who knows where I’ll ultimately end up. 

Love is beautiful however it shows up!

Rev. Arabella Marie


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