As I was floating down stream in my kayak... in the silence of nature... every ounce of my soul knew it had to write this article.
There, floating along as the wind gently orchestrated my travel; I watched dragonflies, red-winged blackbirds, a great blue heron christen my journey as though they were confirming that I had "arrived" somehow.
Nature is what fuels me. From as far back as I recall I've been in deep love with the smell of earth. Any moments I get to be one with it, not just in mind, but in body, I embrace it like my lover and give thanks.
Let me digress, that very morning I had been tweeting with someone and butterflies had come up in an analogy about love and co-dependency.
Why am I so afraid to lose you, When you are not even Mine?
I quickly retorted..."Your old abandonment issues & co-dependency...we are to be free & let others be free like a butterfly. Love is free. Attachment is not love. ...and if the butterfly comes back then it's love. We are afraid it won't come back though cause it's so beautiful & makes us feel so good. That's why we have to find self-loving ways to feel the same even without the butterfly."
Profound! if I do say so myself, and far from the way that I used to think about love.
The thoughts of butterflies quickly took me to a lyric in Sheryl Crow & Sting's song, Always On Your Side..."If butterflies are free to fly, why do they fly away - Leavin' me to carry on and wonder why."
That lyric has crushed me and made me sob more than once over the past few years on my Twin Flame journey - and thankfully not any more!
I thought of it after my recent breast cancer scare, my car accident, my losing everything I had, and my suicide attempt. Where was he? and why wasn't he flying back? What did I do wrong? were all questions that I, and many of us, have had on this journey.
Questions of a self-professed recovering co-dependent and victim.
So, as I drifted along the water yesterday I grinned...and thought about him and butterflies. Butterflies and my twin are free to fly and they are so beautiful to behold as they flutter about, aren't they?
They go this way and that...often darting and circling and kinda "stumbling" about! They are a bit erratic if you think about it yet they get where they are going! They also affect numerous people with their beauty and the eco-system by just being those erractic butterflies, now don't they?
We don't stare at butterflies and think, "Gee! He looks a bit challenged while he's trying to find his way!" or "Damn, that butterfly is fucked up, he's twirling about like a crazy dude, what's his deal?" No, we ooh & ah at the delight of seeing him!
We give Butterflies free reign to just BE themselves and enjoy their beauty as they are...and we are just happy when they pass our way! They are free! And if they happen to come back around and you see them again for a bit - wow! Extra special, isn't it?"
Do we get pissed off when butterflies take "too long" to come out of their chrysalis?
Do we bitch, moan, complain and throw hissy fits when butterflies metamorphosis doesn't fit our timeline? Probably not, unless you're a nut case!
What if we actually let people do all these things without complaining about it?
What if we willingly were open, loving, caring about letting them do and be what they'd like to be?
I know most twin flames have gone through gnarly purging phases where we hate on our twins and get angry by how they show up, or don't show up! We get angry at the things they do to us, don't we? Victim up, much?
We don't let them be like Butterflies, do we? Let alone ourselves!
Do we ever sit in gratitude for the gift that our twin flames give us by letting us be like butterflies? Not often, from most of what I read on regular basis on social media. We joke, we condemn, we act like it's unrequited when you know in your heart that's a lie!
It is being "woke" and to be an individual & standing in your personal wholeness whom is giving themselves love and kindness... that CAN let others, whatever label you choose to use, this unconditional love!
Are you up to the task?
Thank you butterfly...I love you and deeply appreciate your beauty.
AND...I really HAVE arrived!